Hello, I recieved a beta friend invite and well, I don't have any friends that play SC so I guess I will give it to someone here.
Thing is, I don't want some asshole to get it like that guy "mylifeforauir", so instead I would like for you to post a funny story, the funniest and most original story in my opinion gets the key.
Contest rules:
Any context will do, drunken party, camping trip, w/e I don't care as long as I laugh.
Only 1 story per user.
Deadline for story submission is May 15, if there are little or no posts up to this date the giveaway will come sooner so that those who are interested don't have to wait so long.
The contest is closed as of May 10th. I will be choosing the winner today. Thanks to everyone that participated.
A list of the current runners is below along with my thoughts on their story, here are the rankings:
>< : 0 - not funny
^^ : 1 - makes me smile
XD : 2 - makes me giggle
LOL: 3 - makes me laugh
ROFL: 4 - laugh and poke fun
ROFLMAO : 5 - epic
Current Runners(ordered by submission time):
LoneWolf (LOL)
Plasmacid (ROFL)
Zim(><) still interesting though
ringlas (ROFL) near epic but lets give some time for others :D
Amberdilis (ROFL) I love your story and it is starcraft themed which makes it all the better
KlausKlaus (ROFL) near epic I can only imagine how you (said: your anus) felt the next day!
pansit99 (LOL) a strange occurrence but at least they smiled back ;)
Rambling (ROFL) i can only imagine... *shudders*
jyim89 (ROFL) haha well they say dogs are mans best friends so maybe he knew something about her you didnt ><
legendandom (LOL)
Zydn (ROFL) it sounds like an epic night i just wish you had more details
Well, I once got so drunk, I fell asleep outside on a barbeque grill, which was still pretty hot and as a result my glasses melted during the night. Then I had to go whole week without them and almost flunked my German class as a result. End of story, lol.
A few weeks ago, my boss had a baby. She had me take care of the baby for a few days. During the time, I had to feed the baby my boss's breast milk. I was made fun of at work since.
During my first time on acid 8) , I was sitting on the couch listening to music :whistle: and I SWEAR TO GOD, I saw the speakers bleeding colors. ??? Crazy night that was
It's been two years already since my trip to Germany but I still remember how I got my fair share of absurd stories to tell...
In Germany, I stayed at a hotel in the center of Karlsruhe. It was the late November, probably around 20th, when one night, as I was trying to get to sleep, I heard shouting in the room above. I stood still in my bed in order to hear properly what all the commotion was about. It appeared that in the room above mine there was a drunken German lad who was pissed off and was yelling at his wife/girlfriend. I tried to ignore his bizarre voice and slowly began to fall asleep. However, he was not on the same opinion. He cursed and cursed, and after a while, there was a great clash which woke me up, stressed me and I jumped out of my sheets! I was in rage! The German was hitting with a chair or some other heavy stuff the walls and floor of his room and was shaking the whole place! My roommates (we were four in a room) also woke up and starred in the dark towards the ceiling. I got so mad that I grabbed one of my slippers and throw it with as much strength I had at the ceiling! I was frustrated and I wanted to get at him back! My slipper hit the ceiling and never gotten back... I was in silence. By the way, so was the German. I turned the lights on and I my eyes searched the room for my slipper. My astonishment was great when I saw it hanging from a hole which it had made in the ceiling! I burst into laugh along with my friends. It was so damn funny that I even took a picture of it with my cell phone! I got my slipper down and my friends began to throw stuff in the hole. I joined them in their quest to fill the gap with any food we had left! :D However, later we started to think what we would say to the hotel manager, because after all, I had to pay for the damage I'd made... The next morning I went to the reception, angry as hell and I was yelling at them what kind of hotel am I paying for with such noise during the night! A drunken man shouting, crying in full voice and in the end, making a hole in my room's ceiling with his jumps! It was outrages! Or that was what I'd told them... They were so frightened of me (there were other guests who had complained earlier of the drunk and they by accident confirmed some part of my story) that the hotel manager gave me a key. A beautiful, blue, shiny key and they explained to me that this was the key to their presidential apartment and they apologize for everything. I covered up my smile and moved my luggage to our new room (my roommates were so happy). We bought a bottle of fine wine and celebrated our expansion to the better side of the hotel. It was luxurious! The toilet had ventilation! No more stink! We even managed to break the sink but we left for Munich before they'd found out. Outsmarting the system is what counts nowadays.
(http://pinokio-toys.com/darkblizz/slipper.jpg)
Well, I've got this really close korean friend so I, knowing how koreans are about starcraft, gave it to him. I was all... Hey, Min Soo. I HAVE STARCRAFT 2 OFFLINE! At that point I was expecting him to go OMGWTFBBQ but he actually didn't care much :-[ He just said... "what,it's not out yet". So I told him "yeah, but some guys cracked it and etc...." (insert lazy launch explanation) then he just said "meh, I just wanna get the full version" so I go
"WHAT?! DON'T YOU WANT THIS?! THIS IS STARCRAFT MAN! YOU'RE KOREAN, You're supposed to WANT IT!!!"
yeah, stereotyping there but he's cool with it since he messes with my race too xD
Then he just goes "I want the full version. I bet it's buggy and all and etc..."
so I explain to him how it's alright and how it's practically finished, that they're just trying to get user feedback to really balance out the units. At that point, IDK whether he was just annoyed at my persistence :P or that I'd finally convinced him but he ended up copying it to his USB which was about HALF this size
http://www.promotionalpromos.com/media/usb-flash-drive.jpg (http://www.promotionalpromos.com/media/usb-flash-drive.jpg)
(I want you guys to understand the scale of the moment in the following chapter so keep in mind just how big his usb actually is)
He then goes to the other koreans ( he lives with a bunch of them for English classes. His mom teaches over the summer english IRRC) and he holds up the usb and goes "this has starcraft 2" in korean
and as if the whole world had just exploded, they all just all open their mouths and stare at the usb HAHAHAHHAHAHA
Like, him surrounded in a semi-circle of other koreans ages 5 to 17 (FEMALE AND MALE) just staring at the usb like it's the holy grail whilsts frozen to the ground with their mouths all open lmao lmao lmao
think of it like this
======== :o
======= :o
===== :o
==== :o :anono:
===== :o
======= :o
======== :o
thats him flicking the usb around xD
I ROFLMAO'D SO HARD, it reminded me of the scene in southpark where randy goes "THE SWORD OF A THOUSAND TRUTHS"
BUT HEY! I guess KOREANS LOVE THEIR STARCRAFT!!! lmao lmao
May my english is not proper, hope you understand as well...
Recently i had the honor to be an alternative-judge in a chili-cooking- competition. The original judge got sick on short term, i stood around the judges-table, looking for the beer tent, as the message of his sickness arrived. The both other judges guaranteed me that the chilis to test in the contest wouldnt be so hot, and they promised me freebeer all along the contest, so i thought to myself: HERE WE GO!
Here the Judgingcards for the chilis:
1. Mike's Maniac Monster Chili
-Judge 1: A bit too much of a tomato-taste, an amusing kick.
-Judge 2: Kinda smooth tomato-aroma. Very mild.
-Me:What the fuck is this shit about- therewith you loosen dry color from a highway. I need two beer to get rid of the flames, hoping to myswelf that was the worst- these guys are crazy!
2. Arthurs Afterburner Chili
-Judge 1: Smokey, with a bit of Bacon, light pepperoni note.
-Judge 2: Exciting barbecue taste, but needs more pepperoni, to be taken serious.
-Me: Oh my god, keep this stuff away from your children! I dont know what to taste except pain! 2 guys wanna give me first aid, and bring me more beer, as they see the expression in my face- bless 'em!
3. Freds Famous "Burn the Roof down" Chili
-Judge 1: Exelent fire-service chili. Murder-kick. Could need more been
-Judge 2: A beenless chili, slighly salty. Good dose of red pepper.
-Me: Bring the disaster-control! I found an uran-leak! My nose is feeling like i sniffed some waste-pipe-cleaner. Now everyone knows what to do- bring me moree beer before i burn. The bartender poked on my back, now my backbone is in my belly. My face slowly gets paralysed from the beer.
4. Bubbas Black Magic
-Judge 1: A chili with black been. Almost no spice. Emberassing.
-Judge 2: A taste of lemon in black beens. Good side-dish for fish or other mild meal. No real chili.
-Me: Something ran over my tounge, but i cannot taste anything anymore. The bartender stays behind me with beer reinforcement, she slowly becomes looking better and better, like the radiated-trash im eating here. Can chili be an aphrodisiaca?
5. Lindas legal Lip-remover
-Judge 1: Meaty, strong chili. Fresh cayenne-pepper gives an extra kick. Impressing.
-Judge 2: Could have a bit more tomato taste. But the cayenne-pepper leaves a good impression.
-Me: My ears ring, sweat is running in rivers down my face, i can see clearly no more. I had to fart and the 4 people behind me needed first aid. Linda seemed offended as i told her i would suffer enourmous brain damage from that shit. The bartender spilled beer directly from the pitcher on my tounghe to stop the bleeding. I thinking wheter my lips burned down?
6. Veras Vegetarian chili
-Judge 1: Thin but strong chili, good balance between pepperoni and other spice.
-Judge 2: The best so far! Agressive insert of pepperoni, onion and garlic. Superb!
-Me: My stommack became a pipe of gasy sulfid flames. After a fart it got wet in my pants, im hoping it wont make its way through my pant and the bench. Noone yet has the heart to stand behind me. Im intended to rub a huge snowball over my ass. Holy shit!
7. Susannes "Screaming-Sensation" chili
-Judge 1: A moderate chili, with huge accent on pepperoni.
-Judge 2: Tastes like the cook in the very last second put a box of pepperoni in it. Im worried about judge3, he doesnt look comfortable and cursing all time without reason.
-Me: I could put a grenade in my mouth and pull the trigger- i wouldnt feel anything. On one eye i see absolutly nothing and the surrounding sounds like a huge waterfall. My shirt is full of chili, wich poped out of my mouth unnoticed. My pant is full of lava-like-shit, and so fits perfectly to my shirt. At least in autopsie the will quickly find out my death-cause. Fuck it- i dont get any oxygen, as i need to breathe i will do it through the huge hole in my belly...
8. Helenas Mount Saint chili
-Judge 1: The perfekt ending a chili for everybody, perfect balanced.
-Judge 2: The last one is a good one, not to mild not to spicy. I only regret, that most of it went to the ground as Judge3 fell from bench with a blackout and emtied the pot allover hisself. Im not sure if he will make it trough, and im wondering how he would have reacted on real chili...
...what the hell, i'll never forget... :cheers:
Keep em coming guys, these are great!
Cmon cyricc! we all know korean starcraft is epic xD
Quote from: Amberdilis on May 06, 2010, 09:07:45 AM
Cmon cyricc! we all know korean starcraft is epic xD
Yeh I know but I want to be fair since all the stories are so different, in the end I'll probably have a list of people and pick a random one. Or perhaps judges?
Okay so i'll give a try based on a stupid 15 minutes of my life..
I was out with my girlfriend and it was lunchtime and I was crazy hungry, so we went to a fastfood, ordered something, and we took a table,
When we sat down the table my girlfriend told me that her childhood friend was sitting on the other table ( which is at my nearest rear, and since I was very hungry I opened my food first without looking at them ), not more than ten seconds she stood up and told me she was gonna wash her hands on the bathroom, so when she left I took a look at table at my back, there were two ladies sitting, so I smiled at them and said "Hi", they looked confused as I smiled at them ( they even looked at each other and then had the courtesy to smile back to me ) then my girlfriend came back and we started eating.
After around ten minutes, I noticed the two ladies leaving the fastfood, but didn't even greet us goodbye, same goes for my girlfriend which hadn't greeted them goodbye too. SO I asked her "Hey ur friends left, why didn't you greet them goodbye?" and she told me "What are you talking about? she's still sitting over there!" (P.S. In our country it is a common courtesy to greet people you know even if youre not going out together)
I then realized that her friend was on the farther table and those two ladies are probably still confused about why I smiled at them.. hahah :-X
pickup faill!!!! I bet you actually planned to make something happen with her friend :D :D
but anyway, pansit, I don't know whether it's just coincidence but I'll give it a try anyway. Are you...
Luckyme or MAGI?! haha :D :D
@Amberdilis huh? sorry man I didnt really get ur point?.. u mean users Luckyme or MAGI? no man.. i am pansit99 :)
And NO i didn't plan that, If im gonna plan something Id rather spend my time plotting something that would make me look good dude!
Just sharing good ol stories LOL..
Aaah, lol. Sorry, I just thought maybe you would get it. Where I'm from, pansit is the local word for noodles and so I thought we came from the same place. Oh, and luckyme and magi are both brand names for noodles xD
Haahahaha! I get it! dude desperado na tau wahahaha!
Kuha mo pala HAHA XD :thumbsup:
Short and Sweet.
Came home yesterday and there was shit all over the floor.
Apparently my 2 year old son thought playing hockey with your own feces is sweet.
the mess.... the horror... it was... everywhere.
Oh man... Howd'you clean it up? ???
Back when I was in high school I used to live next to a really hot chick. Although we had already lived next to each other for a couple of years we were still at that point just exchanging awkward hellos whenever we met. I couldn't work up the courage to go over and make an actual conversation with her. Anyways, on nice days, this chick liked to stretch out on her back yard and take a nap. She sleeps with her mouth slightly opened. On one of these days, I was giving my dog a bath in my backyard using a hose. After the bath, I let him lose so that he could dry himself off. When my dog is lose from his chains, he gets adventurous and runs off to sniff at things. He has a weird habit of when he sniffs wood, he immediately lifts one leg and takes a piss towards the direction of the wooden object even if he took a piss just 2 seconds before for like the 10th consecutive times. So he went off exploring and I turned my back on him to clean up the mess he made (He panics whenever he sees spraying water...). After cleaning up, I turn around just in time to see him sniffing at one of the legs of a wooden table that was right above the sleeping girl's head. I just watched in horror as my dog lifted one leg and started pissing in that direction. The piss got all over the girl and apparently it even got in her mouth. She woke up with a start and starting freaking out and spitting to get the piss out of her mouth. And of course it is common sense for dogs to bite someone who is freaking out in the ankle -_-. Thankfully my dog wasn't biting to attack her so his bite didn't hurt her much but it did startle her enough to make her go inside her house crying. My neighbors put up a wooden fence around their house a couple days after that incident and the chick never really even said hi to me again :( .
I'll give it a shot... :D
I was at a street in the middle of the university wich is called Laze Street or sort of... I was hanging up with two friends of mine in a bench just watching some girls passing us by... One of this two guys had just broken up with his GF and was sad and feeling lonely, while I was banging one chick that was coming slowly not towards us, but towards a food shack across the street. They didn't know about my thing with this chick and one of them looking at the sad one says:"Look kelvis (From Kelvis Duran), see that Egret (yes the animal, she was very tall and white and skinny), go there give some kisses man, give her a nice tight hug or something, do something with that egret man..."
I was already laughing inside myself when I stood up and went across the street, called the girl and took her so they could meet each other... hhhaha The talking one just stared at me saying "Fuck no man, this is bullshit... Man I'm really sorry dude..." With the buttest face ever... never gonna forget this...
Well all this happened on the same night, we were with 2 of my friends buying some pot in a nightclub, so we buy it and then get out of there. We needed to split the pot in 2 big stashs and 4 smallers with some refill but we didnt have nowhere to do this (we were at the beatch btw) so we turn around the block and found a empty backyard with no one in the house, and also there was no lights on the streets dunno why, so my friends went to the backyard to split and refill the smaller stashes while i was just looking to the street if someone come. My friends finished to split the pot and one of my friends told us "hang on guys im going to pee" (in the backyard of this empty house) so the police appeared in a patrol car and i was "oh shit!" in my mind while the police was decending from the car, but since there were no lights in the streets they have to turn of some flashlight to check what were we doing, so my other friends who had the stashes on his hands had no other option than trow it away on the grass before they turn on the flashlight or we were screwed as hell. So the police turn on the flashlights, they started to check on us and asking whate were we doing, we told them that we were peeing and they asked for our id's so they will be recorded on a police report so if anything happens they would know who was on the beach that day. They finished checking us and told us to leave and dont pee again on people houses so we go away, leaving the stashes on the grass, we tournd around the block wait to the police patrol to go away and then we start running like freaks and search for 1hr the stashes withouth anylight on the grass of the backyard.
We returned to the home at we were staying, and give the refilled stash to the gf of one of my friends, we were exhausted so we didn't smoke nothing, it was the first time for the gf of my friend so we decided just to drink some beers and relax a bit. Then the gf of my friend started to run around the table yelling "IM A HARRY POTTER GIRL AND I WILL CURSE YOU ALL" and started poking everyone who was there on the house. Then she started to chase his bf around the house believing she was a witch and his bf a monster that she had to chase, at this point i started to think "did we gave her the real shit instead of the low quality pot?" and then she stopped, sat on the table and start to yell "Well, we are going to be a happy family, like the Corleone's, Im going to be the DAD, your going to be the MOM (pointing at me) and we are all going to be happy eating pasta!"; at this very moment all we were laughting so hard that we didnt even pay attention on what she saying after that, then she was more calmed down, trying to find answer of what was experiencing and started to say "i dunno guys, it's like i got someone over me, that dont let the real me come out, but i like and at the same time no!". Then she get exhausted drink a couple of beers and go to sleep.
Sry for my english, not the best i know.
Hey cyricc, I already have a key but on the off chance that I win, could I please still have it? My brother doesn't have one so it'd make a really good present :)
Um....
So once upon a time there was a... yeah, i don't have a story.
But if you have any extras could you pm it?
Amberdilis!
The starcraft themed story took the cake right away but I didn't want it to be that obvious.
Thanks again to everyone that participated, you all had great stories, don't let my choice fool you.
Amberdilis check your PM for the code and tell your brother to have fun!
come on.. how could my dog story not be the best? It was totally made up too! :D
Actually, I thought Ringlas's was the funniest. It was also probably one of the rare ones that weren't made up.
Quote from: LoneWolf on May 10, 2010, 12:47:44 PM
Actually, I thought Ringlas's was the funniest. It was also probably one of the rare ones that weren't made up.
Thank you, LoneWolf, I appreciate that you liked it ^^
Yeaaah!!! thanks cyricc :) My brother was pretty enthusiastic. As a bonus tho, he's willing to share it with my classmate so,, it's kinda like a 2 for 1 deal
Quote from: LoneWolf on May 10, 2010, 12:47:44 PM
Actually, I thought Ringlas's was the funniest. It was also probably one of the rare ones that weren't made up.
weren't made up? are you accusing me? :( look dude, if you want, I could probably get a video of me and my korean friend to prove to you that it's real.
Quote from: Amberdilis on May 11, 2010, 07:00:58 AM
Quote from: LoneWolf on May 10, 2010, 12:47:44 PM
Actually, I thought Ringlas's was the funniest. It was also probably one of the rare ones that weren't made up.
weren't made up? are you accusing me? :( look dude, if you want, I could probably get a video of me and my korean friend to prove to you that it's real.
who cares if it was real or not? that wasn't a requirement... and I'm pretty sure any hardcore sc player has at least one korean friend so that wouldn't prove anything in the first place.
What really? I thought it had to be real.