May my english is not proper, hope you understand as well...
Recently i had the honor to be an alternative-judge in a chili-cooking- competition. The original judge got sick on short term, i stood around the judges-table, looking for the beer tent, as the message of his sickness arrived. The both other judges guaranteed me that the chilis to test in the contest wouldnt be so hot, and they promised me freebeer all along the contest, so i thought to myself: HERE WE GO!
Here the Judgingcards for the chilis:
1. Mike's Maniac Monster Chili
-Judge 1: A bit too much of a tomato-taste, an amusing kick.
-Judge 2: Kinda smooth tomato-aroma. Very mild.
-Me:What the fuck is this shit about- therewith you loosen dry color from a highway. I need two beer to get rid of the flames, hoping to myswelf that was the worst- these guys are crazy!
2. Arthurs Afterburner Chili
-Judge 1: Smokey, with a bit of Bacon, light pepperoni note.
-Judge 2: Exciting barbecue taste, but needs more pepperoni, to be taken serious.
-Me: Oh my god, keep this stuff away from your children! I dont know what to taste except pain! 2 guys wanna give me first aid, and bring me more beer, as they see the expression in my face- bless 'em!
3. Freds Famous "Burn the Roof down" Chili
-Judge 1: Exelent fire-service chili. Murder-kick. Could need more been
-Judge 2: A beenless chili, slighly salty. Good dose of red pepper.
-Me: Bring the disaster-control! I found an uran-leak! My nose is feeling like i sniffed some waste-pipe-cleaner. Now everyone knows what to do- bring me moree beer before i burn. The bartender poked on my back, now my backbone is in my belly. My face slowly gets paralysed from the beer.
4. Bubbas Black Magic
-Judge 1: A chili with black been. Almost no spice. Emberassing.
-Judge 2: A taste of lemon in black beens. Good side-dish for fish or other mild meal. No real chili.
-Me: Something ran over my tounge, but i cannot taste anything anymore. The bartender stays behind me with beer reinforcement, she slowly becomes looking better and better, like the radiated-trash im eating here. Can chili be an aphrodisiaca?
5. Lindas legal Lip-remover
-Judge 1: Meaty, strong chili. Fresh cayenne-pepper gives an extra kick. Impressing.
-Judge 2: Could have a bit more tomato taste. But the cayenne-pepper leaves a good impression.
-Me: My ears ring, sweat is running in rivers down my face, i can see clearly no more. I had to fart and the 4 people behind me needed first aid. Linda seemed offended as i told her i would suffer enourmous brain damage from that shit. The bartender spilled beer directly from the pitcher on my tounghe to stop the bleeding. I thinking wheter my lips burned down?
6. Veras Vegetarian chili
-Judge 1: Thin but strong chili, good balance between pepperoni and other spice.
-Judge 2: The best so far! Agressive insert of pepperoni, onion and garlic. Superb!
-Me: My stommack became a pipe of gasy sulfid flames. After a fart it got wet in my pants, im hoping it wont make its way through my pant and the bench. Noone yet has the heart to stand behind me. Im intended to rub a huge snowball over my ass. Holy shit!
7. Susannes "Screaming-Sensation" chili
-Judge 1: A moderate chili, with huge accent on pepperoni.
-Judge 2: Tastes like the cook in the very last second put a box of pepperoni in it. Im worried about judge3, he doesnt look comfortable and cursing all time without reason.
-Me: I could put a grenade in my mouth and pull the trigger- i wouldnt feel anything. On one eye i see absolutly nothing and the surrounding sounds like a huge waterfall. My shirt is full of chili, wich poped out of my mouth unnoticed. My pant is full of lava-like-shit, and so fits perfectly to my shirt. At least in autopsie the will quickly find out my death-cause. Fuck it- i dont get any oxygen, as i need to breathe i will do it through the huge hole in my belly...
8. Helenas Mount Saint chili
-Judge 1: The perfekt ending a chili for everybody, perfect balanced.
-Judge 2: The last one is a good one, not to mild not to spicy. I only regret, that most of it went to the ground as Judge3 fell from bench with a blackout and emtied the pot allover hisself. Im not sure if he will make it trough, and im wondering how he would have reacted on real chili...
...what the hell, i'll never forget... :cheers:
Recently i had the honor to be an alternative-judge in a chili-cooking- competition. The original judge got sick on short term, i stood around the judges-table, looking for the beer tent, as the message of his sickness arrived. The both other judges guaranteed me that the chilis to test in the contest wouldnt be so hot, and they promised me freebeer all along the contest, so i thought to myself: HERE WE GO!
Here the Judgingcards for the chilis:
1. Mike's Maniac Monster Chili
-Judge 1: A bit too much of a tomato-taste, an amusing kick.
-Judge 2: Kinda smooth tomato-aroma. Very mild.
-Me:What the fuck is this shit about- therewith you loosen dry color from a highway. I need two beer to get rid of the flames, hoping to myswelf that was the worst- these guys are crazy!
2. Arthurs Afterburner Chili
-Judge 1: Smokey, with a bit of Bacon, light pepperoni note.
-Judge 2: Exciting barbecue taste, but needs more pepperoni, to be taken serious.
-Me: Oh my god, keep this stuff away from your children! I dont know what to taste except pain! 2 guys wanna give me first aid, and bring me more beer, as they see the expression in my face- bless 'em!
3. Freds Famous "Burn the Roof down" Chili
-Judge 1: Exelent fire-service chili. Murder-kick. Could need more been
-Judge 2: A beenless chili, slighly salty. Good dose of red pepper.
-Me: Bring the disaster-control! I found an uran-leak! My nose is feeling like i sniffed some waste-pipe-cleaner. Now everyone knows what to do- bring me moree beer before i burn. The bartender poked on my back, now my backbone is in my belly. My face slowly gets paralysed from the beer.
4. Bubbas Black Magic
-Judge 1: A chili with black been. Almost no spice. Emberassing.
-Judge 2: A taste of lemon in black beens. Good side-dish for fish or other mild meal. No real chili.
-Me: Something ran over my tounge, but i cannot taste anything anymore. The bartender stays behind me with beer reinforcement, she slowly becomes looking better and better, like the radiated-trash im eating here. Can chili be an aphrodisiaca?
5. Lindas legal Lip-remover
-Judge 1: Meaty, strong chili. Fresh cayenne-pepper gives an extra kick. Impressing.
-Judge 2: Could have a bit more tomato taste. But the cayenne-pepper leaves a good impression.
-Me: My ears ring, sweat is running in rivers down my face, i can see clearly no more. I had to fart and the 4 people behind me needed first aid. Linda seemed offended as i told her i would suffer enourmous brain damage from that shit. The bartender spilled beer directly from the pitcher on my tounghe to stop the bleeding. I thinking wheter my lips burned down?
6. Veras Vegetarian chili
-Judge 1: Thin but strong chili, good balance between pepperoni and other spice.
-Judge 2: The best so far! Agressive insert of pepperoni, onion and garlic. Superb!
-Me: My stommack became a pipe of gasy sulfid flames. After a fart it got wet in my pants, im hoping it wont make its way through my pant and the bench. Noone yet has the heart to stand behind me. Im intended to rub a huge snowball over my ass. Holy shit!
7. Susannes "Screaming-Sensation" chili
-Judge 1: A moderate chili, with huge accent on pepperoni.
-Judge 2: Tastes like the cook in the very last second put a box of pepperoni in it. Im worried about judge3, he doesnt look comfortable and cursing all time without reason.
-Me: I could put a grenade in my mouth and pull the trigger- i wouldnt feel anything. On one eye i see absolutly nothing and the surrounding sounds like a huge waterfall. My shirt is full of chili, wich poped out of my mouth unnoticed. My pant is full of lava-like-shit, and so fits perfectly to my shirt. At least in autopsie the will quickly find out my death-cause. Fuck it- i dont get any oxygen, as i need to breathe i will do it through the huge hole in my belly...
8. Helenas Mount Saint chili
-Judge 1: The perfekt ending a chili for everybody, perfect balanced.
-Judge 2: The last one is a good one, not to mild not to spicy. I only regret, that most of it went to the ground as Judge3 fell from bench with a blackout and emtied the pot allover hisself. Im not sure if he will make it trough, and im wondering how he would have reacted on real chili...
...what the hell, i'll never forget... :cheers: