Beta Friend Invite

[cyricc]

Hello, I recieved a beta friend invite and well, I don't have any friends that play SC so I guess I will give it to someone here.

Thing is, I don't want some asshole to get it like that guy "mylifeforauir", so instead I would like for you to post a funny story, the funniest and most original story in my opinion gets the key.

Contest rules:

Any context will do, drunken party, camping trip, w/e I don't care as long as I laugh.

Only 1 story per user.

Deadline for story submission is May 15,  if there are little or no posts up to this date the giveaway will come sooner so that those who are interested don't have to wait so long.
The contest is closed as of May 10th. I will be choosing the winner today. Thanks to everyone that participated.

A list of the current runners is below along with my thoughts on their story, here are the rankings:

>< : 0 - not funny
^^ : 1 - makes me smile
XD : 2 - makes me giggle
LOL: 3 - makes me laugh
ROFL: 4 - laugh and poke fun
ROFLMAO : 5 - epic

Current Runners(ordered by submission time):

LoneWolf (LOL)
Plasmacid (ROFL)
Zim(><)  still interesting though
ringlas (ROFL) near epic but lets give some time for others
Amberdilis (ROFL) I love your story and it is starcraft themed which makes it all the better
KlausKlaus (ROFL) near epic I can only imagine how you (said: your anus) felt the next day!
pansit99 (LOL) a strange occurrence but at least they smiled back
Rambling (ROFL) i can only imagine... *shudders*
jyim89 (ROFL) haha well they say dogs are mans best friends so maybe he knew something about her you didnt ><
legendandom (LOL)
Zydn (ROFL) it sounds like an epic night i just wish you had more details

[LoneWolf]

Well, I once got so drunk, I fell asleep outside on a barbeque grill, which was still pretty hot and as a result my glasses melted during the night. Then I had to go whole week without them and almost flunked my German class as a result. End of story, lol.

[Plasmacid]

A few weeks ago, my boss had a baby. She had me take care of the baby for a few days. During the time, I had to feed the baby my boss's breast milk. I was made fun of at work since.

[Zim]

During my first time on acid , I was sitting on the couch listening to music  :whistle: and I SWEAR TO GOD, I saw the speakers bleeding colors. Crazy night that was

[ringlas]

It's been two years already since my trip to Germany but I still remember how I got my fair share of absurd stories to tell...


In Germany, I stayed at a hotel in the center of Karlsruhe. It was the late November, probably around 20th, when one night, as I was trying to get to sleep, I heard shouting in the room above. I stood still in my bed in order to hear properly what all the commotion was about. It appeared that in the room above mine there was a drunken German lad who was pissed off and was yelling at his wife/girlfriend. I tried to ignore his bizarre voice and slowly began to fall asleep. However, he was not on the same opinion. He cursed and cursed, and after a while, there was a great clash which woke me up, stressed me and I jumped out of my sheets! I was in rage! The German was hitting with a chair or some other heavy stuff the walls and floor of his room and was shaking the whole place! My roommates (we were four in a room) also woke up and starred in the dark towards the ceiling. I got so mad that I grabbed one of my slippers and throw it with as much strength I had at the ceiling! I was frustrated and I wanted to get at him back! My slipper hit the ceiling and never gotten back... I was in silence. By the way, so was the German. I turned the lights on and I my eyes searched the room for my slipper. My astonishment was great when I saw it hanging from a hole which it had made in the ceiling! I burst into laugh along with my friends. It was so damn funny that I even took a picture of it with my cell phone! I got my slipper down and my friends began to throw stuff in the hole. I joined them in their quest to fill the gap with any food we had left! However, later we started to think what we would say to the hotel manager, because after all, I had to pay for the damage I'd made... The next morning I went to the reception, angry as hell and I was yelling at them what kind of hotel am I paying for with such noise during the night! A drunken man shouting, crying in full voice and in the end, making a hole in my room's ceiling with his jumps! It was outrages! Or that was what I'd told them... They were so frightened of me (there were other guests who had complained earlier of the drunk and they by accident confirmed some part of my story) that the hotel manager gave me a key. A beautiful, blue, shiny key and they explained to me that this was the key to their presidential apartment and they apologize for everything. I covered up my smile and moved my luggage to our new room (my roommates were so happy). We bought a bottle of fine wine and celebrated our expansion to the better side of the hotel. It was luxurious! The toilet had ventilation! No more stink! We even managed to break the sink but we left for Munich before they'd found out. Outsmarting the system is what counts nowadays.

[Amberdilis]

Well, I've got this really close korean friend so I, knowing how koreans are about starcraft, gave it to him. I was all... Hey, Min Soo. I HAVE STARCRAFT 2 OFFLINE! At that point I was expecting him to go OMGWTFBBQ but he actually didn't care much    He just said... "what,it's not out yet". So I told him "yeah, but some guys cracked it and etc...." (insert lazy launch explanation) then he just said "meh, I just wanna get the full version" so I go


"WHAT?! DON'T YOU WANT THIS?! THIS IS STARCRAFT MAN! YOU'RE KOREAN, You're supposed to WANT IT!!!"
yeah, stereotyping there but he's cool with it since he messes with my race too xD
Then he just goes "I want the full version. I bet it's buggy and all and etc..."
so I explain to him how it's alright and how it's practically finished, that they're just trying to get user feedback to really balance out the units. At that point, IDK whether he was just annoyed at my persistence    or that I'd finally convinced him but he ended up copying it to his USB which was about HALF this size


http://www.promotionalpromos.com/media/usb-flash-drive.jpg


(I want you guys to understand the scale of the moment in the following chapter so keep in mind just how big his usb actually is)


He then goes to the other koreans ( he lives with a bunch of them for English classes. His mom teaches over the summer english IRRC) and he holds up the usb and goes "this has starcraft 2" in korean


and as if the whole world had just exploded, they all just all open their mouths and stare at the usb HAHAHAHHAHAHA
Like, him surrounded in a semi-circle of other koreans ages 5 to 17 (FEMALE AND MALE) just staring at the usb like it's the holy grail whilsts frozen to the ground with their mouths all open  lmao lmao lmao


think of it like this
========
=======
=====
====                   :anono:
=====
=======
========
thats him flicking the usb around xD

I ROFLMAO'D SO HARD, it reminded me of the scene in southpark where randy goes "THE SWORD OF A THOUSAND TRUTHS"
BUT HEY! I guess KOREANS LOVE THEIR STARCRAFT!!!  lmao lmao

[KlausKlaus]

May my english is not proper, hope you understand as well...
    Recently i had the honor to be an alternative-judge in a chili-cooking-  competition. The original judge got sick on short term, i stood around  the judges-table, looking for the beer tent, as the message of his  sickness arrived. The both other judges guaranteed me that the chilis  to test in the contest wouldnt be so hot, and they promised me freebeer  all along the contest, so i thought to myself: HERE WE GO!
   
  Here the Judgingcards for the chilis:
 
  1. Mike's Maniac Monster Chili
 
  -Judge 1: A bit too much of a tomato-taste, an amusing kick.
  -Judge 2: Kinda smooth tomato-aroma. Very mild.
  -Me:What the fuck is this shit about- therewith you loosen dry color  from a highway. I need two beer to get rid of the flames, hoping to  myswelf that was the worst- these guys are crazy!
 
  2. Arthurs Afterburner Chili
 
  -Judge 1: Smokey, with a bit of Bacon, light pepperoni note.
  -Judge 2: Exciting barbecue taste, but needs more pepperoni, to be taken serious.
  -Me: Oh my god, keep this stuff away from your children! I dont know what to taste except pain! 2 guys wanna give me first aid, and bring me more beer, as they see the expression in my face- bless 'em!
 
  3. Freds Famous "Burn the Roof down" Chili
 
  -Judge 1: Exelent fire-service chili. Murder-kick. Could need more been
  -Judge 2: A beenless chili, slighly salty. Good dose of red pepper.
  -Me: Bring the disaster-control! I found an uran-leak! My nose is  feeling like i sniffed some waste-pipe-cleaner. Now everyone knows what  to do- bring me moree beer before i burn. The bartender poked on my  back, now my backbone is in my belly. My face slowly gets paralysed  from the beer.
 
  4. Bubbas Black Magic
 
  -Judge 1: A chili with black been. Almost no spice. Emberassing.
  -Judge 2: A taste of lemon in black beens. Good side-dish for fish or other mild meal. No real chili.
  -Me: Something ran over my tounge, but i cannot taste anything anymore.  The bartender stays behind me with beer reinforcement, she slowly  becomes looking better and better, like the radiated-trash im eating  here. Can chili be an aphrodisiaca?
 
  5. Lindas legal Lip-remover
 
  -Judge 1: Meaty, strong chili. Fresh cayenne-pepper gives an extra kick. Impressing.
  -Judge 2: Could have a bit more tomato taste. But the cayenne-pepper leaves a good impression.
  -Me: My ears ring, sweat is running in rivers down my face, i can see  clearly no more. I had to fart and the 4 people behind me needed first  aid. Linda seemed offended as i told her i would suffer enourmous brain  damage from that shit. The bartender spilled beer directly from the  pitcher on my tounghe to stop the bleeding. I thinking wheter my lips  burned down?
 
  6. Veras Vegetarian chili
 
  -Judge 1: Thin but strong chili, good balance between pepperoni and other spice.
  -Judge 2: The best so far! Agressive insert of pepperoni, onion and garlic. Superb!
  -Me: My stommack became a pipe of gasy sulfid flames. After a fart it  got wet in my pants, im hoping it wont make its way through my pant and  the bench. Noone yet has the heart to stand behind me. Im intended to  rub a huge snowball over my ass. Holy shit!
 
  7. Susannes "Screaming-Sensation" chili
 
  -Judge 1: A moderate chili, with huge accent on pepperoni.
  -Judge 2: Tastes like the cook in the very last second put a box of  pepperoni in it. Im worried about judge3, he doesnt look comfortable  and cursing all time without reason.
  -Me: I could put a grenade in my mouth and pull the trigger- i wouldnt  feel anything. On one eye i see absolutly nothing and the surrounding  sounds like a huge waterfall. My shirt is full of chili, wich poped out  of my mouth unnoticed. My pant is full of lava-like-shit, and so fits  perfectly to my shirt. At least in autopsie the will quickly find out  my death-cause. Fuck it- i dont get any oxygen, as i need to breathe i  will do it through the huge hole in my belly...
 
  8. Helenas Mount Saint chili
 
  -Judge 1: The perfekt ending a chili for everybody, perfect balanced.
  -Judge 2: The last one is a good one, not to mild not to spicy. I only  regret, that most of it went to the ground as Judge3 fell from bench  with a blackout and emtied the pot allover hisself. Im not sure if he  will make it trough, and im wondering how he would have reacted on real  chili...
 
  ...what the hell, i'll never forget... :cheers:

[cyricc]

Keep em coming guys, these are great!

[Amberdilis]

Cmon cyricc! we all know korean starcraft is epic xD

[cyricc]

Cmon cyricc! we all know korean starcraft is epic xD

Yeh I know but I want to be fair since all the stories are so different, in the end I'll probably have a list of people and pick a random one. Or perhaps judges?

[pansit99]

Okay so i'll give a try based on a stupid 15 minutes of my life..

I was out with my girlfriend and it was lunchtime and I was crazy hungry, so we went to a fastfood, ordered something, and we took a table,

When we sat down the table my girlfriend told me that her childhood friend was sitting on the other table ( which is at my nearest rear, and since I was very hungry I opened my food first without looking at them ), not more than ten seconds she stood up and told me she was gonna wash her hands on the bathroom, so when she left I took a look at table at my back, there were two ladies sitting, so I smiled at them and said "Hi", they looked confused as I smiled at them ( they even looked at each other and then had the courtesy to smile back to me ) then my girlfriend came back and we started eating.

After around ten minutes, I noticed the two ladies leaving the fastfood, but didn't even greet us goodbye, same goes for my girlfriend which hadn't greeted them goodbye too. SO I asked her "Hey ur friends left, why didn't you greet them goodbye?" and she told me "What are you talking about? she's still sitting over there!" (P.S. In our country it is a common courtesy to greet people you know even if youre not going out together)

I then realized that her friend was on the farther table and those two ladies are probably still confused about why I smiled at them.. hahah 

[Amberdilis]

pickup faill!!!! I bet you actually planned to make something happen with her friend 


but anyway, pansit, I don't know whether it's just coincidence but I'll give it a try anyway. Are you...


Luckyme or MAGI?! haha 

[pansit99]

@Amberdilis huh? sorry man I didnt really get ur point?.. u mean users Luckyme or MAGI? no man.. i am pansit99 

And NO i didn't plan that, If im gonna plan something Id rather spend my time plotting something that would make me look good dude!

Just sharing good ol stories LOL..

[Amberdilis]

Aaah, lol. Sorry, I just thought maybe you would get it. Where I'm from, pansit is the local word for noodles and so I thought we came from the same place. Oh, and luckyme and magi are both brand names for noodles xD

[pansit99]

Haahahaha! I get it! dude desperado na tau wahahaha!